My Summer Wind

It's been a while since I've been able to put my thoughts on virtual paper. Summer crept up on me and told me to lay off the computer and start enjoying the outdoors, so I did. It got easier to want to do things when I have a child that sees Life as the most fun ride to ever be on. Before summer, I've been holding indoor picnics and entertaining my little darling with songs, dance and laughter. Then the sun finally came out to play and asked us to dance along with the summer wind. We eagerly accepted the offer.

On practically a daily basis I have contacted my "Mother-from-another-mother" (my mom-in-law) to only leave the following message: "I wanted to call and tell you that I love my freekin' daughter. Okay, take care." I cannot believe that love can still grow when I thought I was at capacity. I'm supposedly in the 'terrible two's' with my girl, but the 2's have not been so terrible. I'm probably getting Ginzu knives mentally thrown at me from mothers that have it harder than me (gulp) sorry. I do think I'm blessed and I do count my blessings because I know there will be change coming as my girl grows and is exposed to the real world. I know who I was as a teen, so I have an idea of what I'm in for! For now, I'm relishing in all the goodness she is giving me and praying for more of the same. :)


The past few months my husband and I have spent laughing to tears over her. She's a natural ham. Her character seems so well-developed that I have to assume she's an old soul. She's the coolest girl I know. From her comments to her expressions to the simplest gestures, she's shown me that she's got everything under control. This summer I took her to our neighborhood park. It has a great atmosphere with a large grassy park to run, a playground safe for toddlers and slides of all kinds to enjoy. A lake poses as a backdrop to this park and its duck friends fly in to swim around and meet the little toddlers and their parents that come with food to share. I looked at her as she was waving at all the ducks exclaiming "hello duck!" and thought, wow, my girl was barely walking last year and here she is trying to arrange a get-together with the ducks for a grand lunch buffet. Last year she only wanted the swings to swing on and this year she cared about the slides, ducks and even see-sawing with me all the live-long-day. I'd hear her yell "uuuup! And dowwwwn!" as we soared up and down the see-saw, letting the summer breeze sweep through our hair.

Watching her eyes beam with happiness, and listening to her contagious laughter throughout the days was worth more than any level of salary I could ever earn in a lifetime. I cherished every moment. We spent a lot of time at different attractions. From parades, Six Flags, the Dells and a local gym to her most favorite place to go - the Brookfield Zoo, all of the attractions were places that summed up to being her 1st awesome summer.


As Sinatra said in the song Summer Wind, "Like painted kites, those days and nights, they went flying by..." The summer sure went flying by. Though we are in a new season, and I love all four seasons, I'm sad to see the summer go away. It's actually a bittersweet moment for me. Seemed like the summer wind came and swept my little baby away and yet in that place was left the most amazing little toddler that holds me, kisses my own boo-boos for me, grabs my hands and yells "come on, Mommy let's go play!" and showers me with loving kisses - just because. This new girl is no longer glad to simply have a stroll down to the park. Instead I find her playfully jumping into Mr. Fall's puddles, hugging the leaf-less trees and showering herself with the leafy-friends she met on the ground. She's learned all the letters of the alphabet, can count to almost 20, and feels grateful when anything is given to her by saying "for me? Oh THANK YOU!" My daughter and I lost ourselves this summer. While we hibernate this coming winter among the fingerpaints and my arts and crafts box, I know we'll be dreaming up more sunny days as we wait to dance again in the next summer wind.

Happy Brithday, Ma...

(Written Thursday October 16, 2008 11:59pm)

I’m typing this to you at 11:59pm….just a minute before your birthday is over. Ma, I am so sorry. Sorry for so much. Sorry for everything I ever did to hurt you because I was so involved with me…sorry for wanting to do what I wanted and never caring about your needs. Sorry for not supporting you more and hugging you as much as my heart wanted to. I am sorry for not feeling free enough to just be me when Dad was around and let you see my tender side. I am sorry for not knowing how to handle your Alzheimer’s in a more understanding manner. I wish I had all the right tools to have kept you with me and it seemed as if I never found the right person or answer. I never wanted to leave you with Dad. Never wanted to walk away from you and never wanted to see you in the condition Dad left you in. the troubles were so big and with my hands being tied from a controlling father I prayed to G-d for Him to either give me the right direction or get you out of there fast. You have meant more to me that I can even say and I miss you with all I have, Ma…..I miss you so damn much.

Oct 16 is your sweet birthday…the day you were born…a wonderful day that should be celebrated so well and I have been anxious to do something in honor of you. This day passed with all the daily issues and typical actions and I only just remembered this evening that today finally came – and I was heartbroken that I did nothing. I am a mess about it, Ma….I want to give you everything in my life to have you back here with me. I want you in my life. I want to see you and hold you and laugh with you…I want to drink and dance and gossip with you. I want to hear music, drive around and drink chai with you. I want to dress up, eat grocery samples and play rumy with you. I want to color your hair, paint your nails and try on your pretty clothes. I want to take you out to dinner, go salsa dancing, and see a movie with you. I want to cook with you and steal a kiss from you. I want to lie down next to you, put my arms around your tummy and just rest calmly knowing you’re near me. I never ever want to be without you and I hate that I wasn’t allowed to grow up with you in my life to watch and enjoy. I want to experience life with you. Ma…there’s only one you and I lost you and I’m miserable without you. No one has ever loved me like you. No one has ever been there for me like you. No one has ever held me like you and no one has ever protected my feelings like you…and I waited too long to show you how much I wanted to give back. I had plans for us…I thought we’d grow old together and I lost you. I try to move forward but I take steps back because I want you with me. I look at your contagious smile on the picture on my wall and I wish I could turn around and see you sitting on my couch with my daughter Sophia. You were a flawless rare diamond among false stones…and I only had a short while to revel in what you offered. I should be feeling privileged, but I just feel lost without you. You were my anchor. I know you may be looking upon me, and as much as I know I will try to embrace it, I will always wish you were right here next to me.

This morning I went to the health club. As I dropped off Sophia at the daycare and walked to work out I passed a lady who seemed to be near your age and Indian. I met her once before and even the last time I met her I felt a strong connection with her and somehow gained a lumpy throat after talking with her. The 1st thing I felt was “oh my…she makes me think of Ma”. Somehow she put my answers of family together to see what had happened to me and she felt so sad for me. The sadness she felt was a mother’s sadness, and she was so sincere. She is an Indian woman who is from the northern part of India – like you. I felt such a need to talk to her because she resembled you…she spoke from her heart like you and she had such a peaceful spirit like you. Today was the 2nd time I bumped into her and she was so happy to see me again, and I felt exactly the same. It was as if we were both drawn to speak to each other, a feeling I can’t put well into words. She talked to me for a few minutes and after hearing the lack of interest in Dad to have a relationship with me, and hearing that he married and still has not cared to try to know me or my daughter…she just cried. I fell into her arms and hugged her tight and held back my tears. I was so touched that she was crying for me…but then, Ma, it felt almost as if it were you crying for me and you were hugging me through her. I felt the warmth that you would give me in your hugs…and I was near to breaking down in hugging her. She then tells me that her oldest daughter’s name is Anita. What are the chances?

So I am home tonight and in a split moment I looked for the calendar and noticed that on your birthday, you sent a woman to come and see me today, to cry for me and hug me. And I finally realized just before your birthday is over that the woman you sent was there because you sent her. You gave me your hugs through her. And a daughter named Anita…of all days I learn it all today.

Thank you for your moments and messages and thank you for all the good you did for me. Thank you for putting up with me through my temper and teen years when I thought I knew everything. Thank you for sailing my rough seas with me and supporting me even if you didn’t want to. Thank you for making me a loving woman, and keeping me tough when it came to respect and what was right and wrong in life. Thank you most of all for sticking through such a horrible marriage for my sake, when I know you didn’t have to. I pray that G-d has given you many blessings in Heaven for all the sacrifices you made for Dad and me. You put up with so much and you tried to fit in so badly in an environment that didn’t care for you. You tried to create and build on ‘family’ and you were given a bad hand of cards….but you played on and did the best for me. You did the absolute best for me and I am a better person in this world because of you.

Ma, you are truly my everything and I hope you know how deep my love is for you. I have much to work on to really be present in moments that you specially make for me because I ache for them. I pray that we meet a million times through my dreams so we can be together and talk and I can hug you over and over again because I love and miss you so much. Have a happy birthday everyday…you deserve everyday to be celebrated, and I’ll hope to be right there with you in spirit to celebrate with you through Sophia and my good actions with her. So many moments you give me and today was the top of the cake for me. I hope I see that lady because I believe you sent her for me and I will do everything I can to be in touch with her. She is your gift to me, and it’s your birthday. Again…you are the selfless one. Why does love have to be far away when being close really matters? Ma, please stay with me forever…I hope you are the one that holds my hand when it’s my turn to be with G-d. I never want us to be apart again. I want to protect you and give you all my love the way daughters should for their mothers. You aren’t just any mother, either…you were and are the most selfless and caring mothers I have ever seen. You are my mother and I love you with my entire soul.


Sending all my love to you…

(10 years ago on your birthday... our last picture together)

My "Ouchie" Day

I went to Target (tar-zzshhhay) to get a storage bin for my backyard. Tried to put it in the cart but with my baby girl in there it was a no go. So I picked it up and tried to put the box, since it was flat, under the cart. Didn’t work there either. I grabbed the box to slowly pull it out from under and a metal pointy thing caught and dug into my middle finger of my left hand. I said calmly “ouchie” (as that is my new vocabulary word for F-CK!).

I looked down at my finger and blood was all over the floor. I guess I really cut my finger. Instantly I put pressure on my cut and took a deep breath. Then I heard my daughter take a deep breath (those of you that joined me at India House have witnessed my daughter’s Deep Breath). I turned to my girl and there she was reaching her hands out to me and saying “Mama! Okay?? Mama?? Okay??” I took the pressure off my finger to look at what the living hell I did, but when I let go, blood just flowed out of my finger like water out of a faucet…so I clamped my finger back into pressure mode. Took another sigh and said calmly to my daughter “well, babe…I guess mommy has an ouchie…” and then looked down again…blood, drops of blood all over the Target floor, blood smeared all over my hands…it was a fricken crime scene.

I saw an employee and called her over to me as I’m held my finger and heard my daughter get louder asking if I’m okay since I hadn’t answered her yet. I told the employee that I needed help and that the cart somehow cut me. She responded “you need a cart?” Needless to say English was her second language. “No…I don’t need a cart, I need h-e-l-p help…” and proceeded to show her my blood-flowing cut. She uttered a gasp and then started saying something in Spanish (which I think sounded like Madre de Dios!) and “un momento”-ed me. She flew down the aisle. In the meantime I couldn’t hear myself think because part of me wanted to faint so I grabbed the cart, and the other part of me couldn’t take the decibel level that my daughter was now yelling “MAMAAAAAA! YOU OKAY!!!?” in.

I grabbed a wipe (thank G-d for baby wipes I am never letting go of those things) and wrapped it around my finger and ran around the cart to my baby. “Baby Girl! I’m okay…I’m okay.” She maternally stroked my arm that was holding my finger steady. “Boo-boo?” She asked me. “yes, baby…mama has a boo-boo”. She looked at me with a concerned look and said “Ouchie?” as she continued to lovingly caress my arm. “Yes, love. Mama has an ouchie” She put her hands out and yelled as loud as she could “AWWWWWWWW!!!” and hugged me. And so that opened up the gates to misty-eye land. The Spanish speaking lady came running back with gauze and tape. I turned my back to my girl and told her to hang on just a second, that the nice lady was going to help my finger get better. “No! Mama! Noooooo!” she whined, and then began to cry. She just didn’t want anyone to help me…I think she felt that her rubbing my arm was suffice to take the pain away (it was). The nice lady understood and after hermetically sealing my middle finger she let me get back to my daughter who was ohhh so mad. “Babygirl” I said “she had to help mama. Mama is all better now see?” and I showed her my ouchie all wrapped up to be magically cured. When she saw the white gauze and tape around my finger she put her hands on her cheeks Home Alone style and gasped an “oh no!” and then folloed through with a loving ‘awww’ and hugged me once again. “No scared mama…no scared”. What a dear. “Thanks honey…mama no scared anymore.”

I walked back to the car with her thinking how well I handled what would have normally been a yell-out-loud painful and stressful experience full of truck driver style vocabulary, and yet I had more control of my surroundings than a Tibetan monk. Don’t know where that came from so it must have come along with the you-are-a-mommy-now package delivered from the Man upstairs. What’s more, to see the level of compassion and love that my less than 2-year-fresh-into-the-world daughter has for me, I simply choke up. As we got closer to my car, she said “Mama?” and I lovingly looked at her. “Yes, baby?” and with all her might she said “MAMA…” and she took a deep breath in…then let it out yoga style…and pointed to me to do it. I finished my deep breath on command. She gave me a hug and said “goo(d) girl, mama” and patted me on my back.

My girl is 22 months old. Going on 40. I’m almost looking forward to my next “ouchie”. Let’s hope the next one is just a small bump on my arm or something….

Spring Cleaning - Do You Have What It Takes?

Something's happened to me since my daughter entered my world. I've had a shift in consciousness...a desire to inspire. I'm beginning to feel a need... a need for speed - speed cleaning, that is. I don't remember feeling this way when I was in my 'nesting' phase of pregnancy. Now all I care about is the cleanliness of things; what's my daughter touching, where is she lying down and what corners of the floors haven't yet been swept up or wiped down? When I see her put her face against the glass of the screen door, rubbing her nose to make silly faces on the opposite side to the guest who comes over, I wonder how clean is that window?

I'm definitely no "Bree VanDeKamp" of Desperate Housewives (though I do make a great muffin every now and again). I was never much of a clean freak, but I was always known to be an organizer of sorts. I loved planning. Still do. Gotta have a "plan b" for almost every event, because there's always a chance that "plan a" will do an about-face at ya, and I'd hate my efforts to be fruitless. To this day I'll have a home-made itinerary of events printed for whatever vacation me and my family decide to have. Top that with an actual brochure highlighting what we can or will do once we arrive, followed by a "plan b" in case of inclement weather. I know - it's nuts to some readers, but hey, my husband finds it amusing (thank G-d) and quite relaxing since he doesn't have to do a thing but fasten his seatbelt and enjoy the ride.

I've watched myself grow from a single, independent woman who managed just fine on her own, into a wife and new mother of a toddler, laced with many new responsibilities. I have learned that tending to a husband and a toddler, for me, is much harder on the "keep-it-clean" side of life, both verbally and sanitarily (Is that even a word? I'm "Shakespearing" that one.).A house once entertained by rated R shows, alcohol, crazy, spontaneous and fun sex (Tmi?), and manageable clutter turned into rated G shows, 'Daddy' drinks, sex when we can, and seriously unmanageable clutter. It's the type of clutter I'd come home to and say "WTF?" or "OMG!" (I'm also turning into an 'acronym-er' - another instant Shakespearean word. Look up the acronyms here: http://www.acronymfinder.com/).

I honored the rule of learning to say 'no' to always cleaning once you have a baby. I also honored the rule of sleeping when baby sleeps. Now I know why so many women don't honor that rule. After seeing enough Clean Sweep shows on TLC and literally seeing Peter Walsh (the host of that show) pass right by me at O'Hare Airport only a few months ago, I knew it was all a sign of things to come. Maybe it was a SQuire Rushnell "Godwink". Shoot, if this Godwink gets my house clean ...and I cleaned it, I'm in.

So now I am in my pjs, typing and mentally declaring war on my house. "No more!" I chant in my pretend tribal accent to the calamity of paraphernalia that seems to stare and snicker at me. But then before I could hail the word "ATTACK!" I'm found retreating back to my trench, scratching my head. I don't have a plan. Can't attack without a fricken plan. Where do I begin? How do I start? There's no Mary Poppins with any spoonful of sugar.... What do I even use? What about the chemicals? And let's not forget my little wanna-get-into-everything little girl. How do I do it all without her prying into my toxic cabinet (filled with non-friendly cleaning supplies)? I happened to have Mary Poppins playing for my daughter and heard "In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. You find the fun and snap! The job's a game!" Okay...maybe good ol' Mary has a point.

I went back to the computer and researched. You gotta love this age of Google-ing, huh? Just Google and search. Within 10 minutes of surfing I found what I needed and thought, what if there's another me out there in the same predicament? I couldn't leave such crucial information in the dark. People need to know this!Below are three sites that can possibly bring you some motivation to take that 1st step and not feel regret looking back. Your place will be clean, your child will be unharmed and you will actually have time to play in the end!

1) 13 Rules for House Cleaning

2) 16 Essential Cleaning Tools

3) I found this product to be great for me and my home. You need a few drops mixed with water and a spray bottle. I saw this product on Oprah's show and bought it.

Shaklee Basic H2

What is great is that this product has over 1000 uses, so you don't need lots of different products to carry around with you. For simple cleaning you can create one bottle for all purpose and another bottle for windows and mirrors, all from the same cleaning product. I personally love it. There could be other products that are your favorite and 'green' so feel free to use what you are happiest with.

The last pointer I received was to either have my 16 (or less) tools in an apron or caddy that I take along with me through my cleaning experience. If you are looking for an apron, but don't want to spend over $20.00 for it, I was able to look up 'waist apron' on http://www.amazon.com/ and found the apron I wanted for under $7.00! You may even find it cheaper elsewhere, but my point is to not just give in to the most expensive apron when there are others that do the same job and are affordable!

Now that I have my tools and rules, I'm signing off to embark on my new cleaning journey. Lord knows I have lots of organizing and planning ahead of me, but in achieving my need for speed, my desire to inspire and a cleaner home all together through a new sanitary movement, all I can envision is nothing short of a breath of real fresh air and a 'practically perfect' English nanny floating away with her umbrella.

MOTHERS

The position of 'motherhood' is the oldest occupation in the history of mankind. It is the "mother" of occupations, if you will. Mothers have been given the job of carrying, delivering and nurturing the next life. In most cases, it is the mother that is responsible for protection, nourishment and guidance. Men most definitely have their place in the rearing of a child, and it does not go unnoticed. Fathers have their position and specialty in the world of procreation and rearing, but I believe that throughout history, the position of motherhood has been one that is laughed at, mocked or under-rated. The occupation of "life bearer, deliverer and protector" was not just a job found at your local job fair; it was created by God and given only to women.

Oprah, to me (and I'm sure millions of viewers), is the mother of all talk shows. Oprah remains one of the most powerful women in the world. According to forbes.com the Oprah show, "...her namesake show, where she stresses spirituality and re-invention, has topped the daytime talk show ratings for 21 years, garnering 48 million viewers per week in the US.". She connects powerful shows providing help, knowledge, information or celebration to millions of viewers around the world. Even Oprah shared a thoughtful and profound quote honoring moms from a show called Great Moms III: "Mothers are the great spiritual teachers of the world." (http://www.oprah.com/). Those words are coming from a media mogul, on one of the most viewed talk shows in the world...and she's never been a mother. That's gotta tell you something about motherhood. An treasured honor given by a well-respected, famous and intelligent powerhouse! On behalf of millions of moms, thank you for always recognizing us, Oprah!

If we look at the position of 'mother', they are teachers. They are spiritual teachers, emotional teachers, organizational teachers and life coaches. In this age, we know the pressure is higher for mothers at work. Their daily schedule could possibly mimic the following: up early morning, wake up children, dress and feed children, drop off children to day care or school, mentor and handle daily office drama at employment, work at their employment, plan for the evening, pick up kids, nourish family, put on their life coach and teacher's hat for child's needs, put on wife hat for husband's needs, maintain 'family' life, clean house, sleep. The whole day is most likely laden with some type of stress, and they welcome it with open arms,. Why? Because they are mothers and it’s what they do best, being the multi-tasking gurus that they are. As the years roll by, the requirements of motherhood seem harder to meet when a dual income becomes a must to survive for most Americans. In these times we are seeing tapped out moms trying to do their best, and the demands of work escalating to levels that could wear a great employee down to pure exhaustion. Times have changed, but the position of motherhood still remains the same; the bond and love from mother to child doesn't change and neither will the innate desire to be available to our children when necessary.

It seems as if something spiritually happens to a mother once their baby is born. Not only does the mother receive a spiritual connection with her baby, she seems to be suddenly connected to other children. I remember when I was pregnant, a girlfriend told me "watch out, you'll start to see kids be drawn to you. They'll just walk up to you for no reason or think you are their mother for a second...just watch". I thought my girlfriend was ridiculous. I never had any child or baby interested in coming near me before my pregnancy and I certainly didn't think that because a baby is within me, someone else's child will gravitate toward me. How absurd. Just silly nonsense, but then it happened. I was walking in a mall and a little toddler ran right up to my leg and held onto it. I looked down and was shocked. He looked up at me after 30 seconds of leg holding and realized I wasn't his mom. He smiled and then walked to the other pair of legs just a few feet away from me. Of course I thought that incident was purely coincidental... until it happened again with a different child on a different day. I began to notice every baby I passed by smiled, waved or flirted with me. Astonishing! What I thought to be a mere old wives' tale rang true for me. There seems to be an invisible 'umbilical cord' attached from the mother to their child, and a new autopilot is spiritually installed within the fabric of the new mom, allowing her to conquer all circumstances that is current and new for her child and all children around her. A study called The Motherhood Study (http://www.motherhoodproject.org/) featured a survey of over 2,000 mothers (sampling a diverse demographic of the U.S. population) they found "More than 92% of the mothers...surveyed agreed with the statement, “After becoming a mother, I found myself caring more about the well-being of all children, not just my own.”

Salary.com™ created a "hybrid job description" with over 10 jobs that make up the job titles that best match a mom's definition of her work to be the following (in order of hours spent per week): housekeeper, day care center teacher, cook, computer operator, laundry machine operator, janitor, facilities manager, van driver, CEO and psychologist. Bill Coleman, senior vice president of compensation at Salary.com™ says "It is an eye-opener for many people when they see the real market value of the work moms perform. This year, by adding information about the compensation for Working Moms, we hope to expand the recognition of just how hard all moms are working and of the economic value they bring to society."

Salary.com™’s Annual Valuation of Mom's Job revealed a stay-at-home mom's salary is $138,095. Wow - six-figures people! Bill continues, "Mom works multiple jobs and rarely gets a break from the action, working an average of 52 hours of overtime. The lower than average merit increase reflects that many of the 'mom jobs' are not as highly valued as the management, non-exempt and executive jobs performed by most US employees." According to their study, working moms logged over 9 hours of overtime. This gives them an average of a 49-hour mom work week beyond their full time paying jobs. Complete results and information can be found on http://mom.salary.com/.

Another website in support of moms called M.O.T.H.E.R.S. (Mothers Ought To Have Equal Rights) questions the U.S. support for mothers saying "...why shouldn't American mothers and children have the same economic support that moms and kids do in Britain, Canada, France, Belgium, Holland, Scandinavia?"(http://www.mothersoughttohaveequalrights.org/). A very good question. The website supports the full spectrum of today's mom and is a valuable read if you are a mom.

The title of 'mother' is still on deck, waiting to receive a much bigger welcome of its value than what it has been given. Hearing passers by say "the hardest job in the world is being a mother" is great to hear, but the action to provide changes to help today's mom is still on hold. Hopefully within our lifetime we will see a wave of change to help mothers stay the fascinating employees of Life that they are; helping working moms accomplish all their goals without judgment when she can't stay late at work because of a parent-teacher meeting, and viewing a stay-at-home mom as honorable instead of 'just a mom'. If only Salary.com's 'salary' of $138,095 became a real deal... a new found respect could possibly begin! Until then, this mom will just keep on keepin' on, because any mother knows, it's just what we do.

You'll Understand Better When You're a Mom

“You’ll understand better when you’re a mom”. Did you ever hear that before having a baby? If you are planning to get pregnant, are you hearing that now? Does it bother you? I used to get so frustrated hearing moms say that to me. I'd feel somehow offended, thinking "What - I'm able to love like you, why does having a baby have to make everything so different?” I mean geez, I thought I was a fun gal; a kid on the inside; someone I'd think babies and kids would love to hang out with and play. Why do I have to wait until I have a baby to understand moms? They’re female...I'm female...they love...I love.. I've taken too many sighs after hearing that comment. It just lingered in my mental closet, irritating me. It's like hearing "you'll understand better when you're older." What's the big ol' mystery?

Time passed. I turned 30. Then 31. Then 32. Then 33. The dialogue of My Cousin Vinny's character Mona Lisa Vito echoed in my head "My biological clock is ticking...!" Then I turned 34... and in my 34th year, G-d created my 1st child... and it was good. I went for my 1st ultrasound at 5 weeks to make sure everything was a-ok with baby and me. I hopped up on the table and rested my head on the pillow. I turned my head toward the sonogram screen where my sonographer was sitting by and analyzing a cloud of blacks, whites and greys on the screen. Then I heard my sonographer, "awww, there you are! Lookin' good! And you've got a nice strong heartbeat!". I looked at her and then at the screen she was talking to. There was a teeny, tiny, itsy, bitsy dot flashing in front of my confused eyes. As soon as the thought 'what's that?' entered my head, my suddenly psychic sonographer pointed to a flashing dot and answered "that little dot flashing there is your baby... about the size of a piece of rice. The flashing is the baby's heart beating". I, an emotionally controlled woman, instantly began to tear up. I couldn't take my glassy eyes off the screen. With a lump in my throat I whispered "really?". It wasn't just a heartbeat, it was my baby's heart -- and it was beating. Whoa. There I was, a strong and independent warrior of a woman ready to take on the world, resting my head on a pillow and tear-soaked eyes streaming off the sides of my face uncontrollably. I carefully caressed my tummy and cried.

I actually think I cried inside and out. I felt my heart cry, my soul cry and my mind cry. That was the 1st day my faith in G-d came to reality. That day I knew there was a G-d. I went home, reached in my cabinet for a container I had of rice, pulled one piece out and laid it in the palm of my hands. I heard the sonographer's echo in my head "...a little baby...about the size of a piece of rice". I went through 3 months of nausea, three months of Chicago Style Hot dogs (minus the onions and hot peppers, thank you) and Oreo Blizzards, and three months of "get this baby outta me". At 3:14am on Tuesday, September 26 my baby began to gently knock on my pregnant belly's door asking if she could finally come out and play. When I didn't answer, she knocked harder for a while, until I swore she was taking a few steps back and running at full speed to break the door down. She wanted out, and - ohhh yeah - she was gonna get what she wanted. The rest was a time travelling experience: sat up, breathed through the labor pains until they were close enough to go to the hospital. I, for the 1st time, turned into a rock star with my own posse. Everything I wanted was done for me in a flash. My husband's mom kept the time between contractions and breathing, my husband threw the hospital bag in the SUV, placed me carefully in the car and zoomed us to my hospital that would soon greet my daughter. I was escorted out of my vehicle and into a state-of-the-art and eco-friendly vehicle (wheelchair) and had a personal chauffer take me to my "penthouse suite" (maternity unit). I was asked fror my autograph and gladly provided (lots of papers to sign), and had a number of assistants (hospital staff) who took care of every need I had. The best part was no paparrazzi. After settling in, my only approach to zen was a mantra I learned a month before: "ep-i-duuuur-al". If you say that word every 5 minutes, it will come.

Hours later at 2:00pm the nurse told me to begin breathing and pushing. I remembered to remain calm, but my head was screaming HOLY @#%*&^! I heard the nurse say "Look!" to my husband. "There's the baby's head! Wow, look at all that hair!". That was it. That was all I needed to hear. I became the strongest woman in the world with a mission and I was going to complete it - stat! It took me 38 minutes to get my child through the door to an outdoor life (I think the doctor said I broke a record for fastest time delivering a first baby without any damage to the 'door '- many thanks go to Mr. Kegel). For the 1st time I saw my baby. All she was to me for 9 months, according to the doctors and pregnancy website comparisons, was a piece of rice, a soda pop can and a squash. Finally, my little bundle of baby was placed in my arms. A real baby. A breathing, cooing, nuzzling little creation brought to me and my husband from a magical, heavenly place. There she was...my baby...resting quietly in my arms.

I thought all those mothers had me wrong about needing to wait until I was a mom to understand, but when they're right, they're right. Something does change in you. I can see now why it's hard to explain, because how do you really explain a gift from Heaven coming with all these invisible tools at no extra cost? The tools are invisible, but they are certainly there. That gut feeling telling you to go check on your child? Invisible tool. Knowing when it's 'time' to try a new schedule - invisible tool. Realizing they are getting into mischief without having to turn your head around? Invisible tool. Since the local standard of speak now-a-days is through acronyms, we can say that mothers get "i.t.". A new beaming gold thread that Heaven supplies is immediately woven into the fabric of our character, and somehow changes everything through a ripple effect within our entire system. Even moms adopting children; they are given invisible wings because, in my opinion, G-d sees them as honorary Angels, caring and loving children who's parents couldn't provide for them. They, too, receive "it" because being a mom is their calling.

Here's my theory: G-d places His hand on a mother's shoulder as soon as her baby is conceived and wraps His arms around her when her baby is placed in her arms for the 1st time. In that embrace, all tools are transferred from G-d's heart straight into the mother's heart and soul. I think it happens to all moms -- it all depends on if they pay attention to it -- and you'll recognize the difference between the ones that do and the ones that don’t. The moms that don't notice that beautiful transfer may notice later as they reflect on the past years, or maybe they'll realize more after a memorable or even undesirable moment. Even still there could be others that never recognize the gift they received...but it was always there with them.

It was a fabulous journey I took from pregnancy to motherhood. I've learned that each milestone in life has its place and time to be. We can all pretend we know when it comes to being mothers before we really are, but the moment drops of realization of pregnancy, delivery and responsibility enter our hearts...the moment we realize our instinctual need to provide a beautiful life for our child through the challenges given to us...the moment mothers receive "i.t."...I think we begin to understand why it becomes achingly difficult not to say, “You’ll understand better when you’re a mom”.

Written in honor of mothers around the world: HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

Life Without Grandparents

Once upon a time, there were large homes with front porches. Little children of different ages were seen crawling in the house, playing in the yard or helping around the house. I saw parents, aunts and uncles trying to keep everyone in line and when trouble came about, there were 'family talks'. Everyone gathered around the grandparents to hear how life was when they were young. They told stories of how they walked to school barefoot, 100 miles away, uphill in 3 feet of snow with a 30 degree below zero wind chill factor. I saw those same grandparents rocking in a rocking chair on the front porch, playing checkers or chess, pulling out coins from a child's ears or catching a nose. It didn't matter if anything went wrong in life because the family always stuck together. Family members lived close by. It was a wonderful definition of a family I received as I was growing up, only... my eyes saw those moments through a television screen. The moments weren't reflected from a reel-to-reel film or vhs tape - offering a memory of my family. The moments belonged to the television shows and movies I watched as a child. As I shut the t.v. off back then, I turned and looked around. No front porch. No game of checkers. No one caught my nose or pulled a coin from my ear. I didn't hear any tall tales. My life didn't include grandparents.

I feel most grandparents serve as a great joy to a grandchild, and vice versa. I remember the Disney movie Pocahontas where there was a character in the movie named "Grandfather Willow", a willow tree that gave great words of wisdom for young and confused Pocahontas. What a great symbol of a real grandparent! Many families I knew had grandparents, but they lived somewhere else or passed away before their grandchildren were old enough to recognize them. Other grandparents were ill in a hosptal or living in a senior home or nursing home. My point is, children within the past few generations may have experienced a different environment - one without grandparents - than what we either had or saw on television.

I believe there is a critical figure missing in today's "family" when grandparents are not available, and sometimes - unfortunately - there is nothing we can do about it. I grew up without grandparents near me, so I know very well what it is like. My grandparents from both my parent's side resided in India, a place I called "a magical land far far away" as a little girl. I saw them only a few times, but seeing them didn't complete my real need for them. Neither of them could speak English and since English was all I knew our communication was close to nil, leaving us with only smiles and a look of struggle to find a way to speak to each other (needless to say both my parents got an earfull from their entire family for not teaching me their language). Being born and reared in the good ol' U.S. of A, my family was my parents and, having no siblings, I was primarily with my own thoughts and imagination to live with (picture Saturday Night Live's classic episode with Gilda Radner as a Girl Scout named Judy Miller with an overactive imagination as she hosts a pretend 'talk show' in her bedroom ...yep, that was me).

As life continued, I grew up, got married and had a baby girl. In the meantime, my mother passed away, my father got remarried and became estranged permanently, and my husband's parents live outside of our state. My husband's father and wife have not yet met my daughter and my husband's mother has made every effort she could to be in my daughter's life, with a four hour driving distance being the hardest obstacle. In essence, my daughter really doesn't have that classic character of a grandparent we see in older movies and television shows. She won't have that opportunity to wake up and 'go to grandma's house' unless we take a 4 hour drive to stay for a day or two if we have the time. Things just don't always work as we hope, but we make do the best we can.

As my daughter gets older, I will be spending time telling her stories of her wonderful grandparents that were here in spirit, reminding her of the grandmother that wished she could be here with her everyday, and creating 'grandfather willow' type stories to keep within her imaginary mental files. I know there could be days where she may ask why things aren't like she sees on the television. At that point, I will make sure she knows the good of all her grandparents through stories and even some tall tales. Pictures in my home, letters from grandparents and great-grandparents will make our stories all come to life and she will know that she was loved by all, and maybe even feel their presence.

If you are a parent whose children have no grandparents, or in the same predicament I am in, here are some helpful ideas to help replace that possible emptiness for your children:

1) Tell stories of your parents that you remember, focusing on all their good intentions and experience.

2) Hang pictures, create scrapbooks/albums and keep cards/letters/video from all grandparents available so your child can feel close with them.

3) If you have elderly friends, uncles, neighbors that you are close and comfortable with, consider them as grandparent figures for your children. (In India, there is an ongoing habit within the culture to call anyone you know that is older than you by a respectful title. For example, all older women are usually called "Aunty" and men "Uncle")

4) Check your local nursing home facility and speak with their director regarding "surrogate grandparenting" programs. There are tons of WONDERFUL grandparent wanna-be's aching for someone to give them attention, respect and love, and can't wait to return the same (you may also just find a special connection with them as well!).

A Little Princess - My Favorite Movie

I talk about a lot of movies that I love and have listed quotes from many on my blog, but there is one movie that pulls at my heart strings every time I watch it: A Little Princess. Frances Hodgson Burnett wrote the 212 page novel. There is a black and white, Shirley Temple original version, but I prefer the movie made in 1995 with Liesel Matthews that plays Sara Crewe. It is a movie that moves me. The very fact that the movie depicts parts of India's epic story of love named Ramayana made me magnetized, as I learned that story as a child. It captures the essence of goodness, the possibility of imagination, hope, love and the fruition of a beautiful fairy tale for little girls probably from six years old on up.

The main character is Sarah Crewe, a lovely, learned, imaginative, affectionate, and kind young girl residing in India. Her English father places her in a U.S. boarding school as he leaves for the war. Her experiences at the school are hard, but little Sara brings back something I feel our society has lost in the hearts of children - the pure-ity of affection, thoughtful comments, awareness of others and a sincerity in speech that literally brings tears to my eyes. The tears come down faster each time I watch the movie over the years. I used to wonder why I couldn't get past the tears, and today I realized why.

This afternoon I watched this magical movie with my daughter. She's nowhere near ready to sit down through a full length feature film, but I still put the show on. As I sat and watched the movie, knowing every bit of each scene, I still felt the water surge up into my eyes. My heart became heavy and a lump formed in my throat. I looked at my daughter climbing up my lap, delicately wiping tears from my eyes and said "uh-ohh? Awwww...." to me. How thoughtful, I thought. How precious and pure of my daughter to do that. I realized then what it was all these years that made me just adore this movie. Her father called her a princess and though she had the wealth to be a princess, Sara 's message was much deeper in meaning.

The title princess didn't refer to the monetary wealth or possessions that most of us immediately believe real princesses have through society's description. Being a princess was about the richness that we have from our hearts, regardless of our status in this world. It is about good treatment of others, consideration of all beings in life, and getting through the hardships with a gentler attitude, never giving up hope on the magical-ness of life. The movie simply took me back to the basics and, in it's own way, asked me to stick to them because that is what is true and good in life. That is what it's all about at the end, and that is exactly where I want to be.

One of my favorite moments in the movie?

From the words of Sara Crewe to her headmistress Miss Minchin:

"I am a princess. All girls are. Even if they live in tiny old attics. Even if they dress in rags, even if they aren't pretty, or smart, or young. They're still princesses. All of us...".

If what she says is right, then I guess that makes me a princess. I learn something new everyday, eh? Wait till my husband comes home and finds out he's married to a princess. :)

Take a peek at the movie! If you have any girls, I sincerely suggest this great movie to be a part of your dvd collection (especially if you want them to learn great manners and thoughtful behavior)!

A Love Note to The Man of My Dreams - My Husband

I love you. I love you more today than the first time I laid my eyes on you. I love you for being an ass. I love you for trying not to be an ass. I love your earlobes and I love the tip of your nose. I love your forearms and I love your lips. I love laughing with you till we both cry. I love that you can wear a beard and I still think you are hot. I love when you cover my eyes when the television shows something that would upset me. I love how you shake your toes to music that's not even there. I love watching you love the daughter we created together. I love the look in your eye when you want to tell me you love me. I love that after almost 12 years together you still chase me around the room to tackle me at the end. I love you for loving me...all of me...my bad side, my good side, my emotional side, my stupid side, my crabby side, my I-just-want-to-fight-for-no-reason-at-all side, my Phoebe side, my Rachel side and my Monica side. I love that you are a combination of Ross, Chandler and Joey. I love that you love my cat. I love that you take out the garbage. I love that you get me. I love the cards you buy and the treasure hunts you give me for my gifts. I love your Burt Reynolds laugh. I love playing air guitar in the car with you. I love playing Guitar Hero III with you. I love how you think you are a rock star now. I love being your groupie. I love 'musical nights' where we talk in rhyme and belt out a ridiculous song. I love that you are my best friend.

But most of all...

I love you for loving me

the way I am.

This song is for you:

PRAYING FOR TIME

Earlier this week I watched American Idol. This week they were supposed to sing a song that was inspirational to them. Jason Castro's selection and performance was my favorite, as well as David Archuleta's. After the show was over I sat in my bedroom and remenisced about a song that was the most inspirational to me, leaving a big impression in my heart after hearing it. I didn't have to think long. It was a song that came from George Michael's "Listen Without Prejudice" cd. The song was called Praying for Time. I remember hearing the song when I was in Atlanta living with my parents for some time back in 1994. I was in a very dark place at that time, counting my days and wondering my purpose in life. I popped the cd in the player and that song caught my attention and gave me goosebumps. All of a sudden I felt extremely emotional, but the emotion wasn't about the pity party I was having for me. The emotion was felt for a grander scale of life and all of us in it. When I heard the words and the way George Michael sang that song...I actually cried for G-d. I cried because that was the 1st time I realized how much He loves all of us and how many of us never really know that deep inside. That was the 1st time I began to connect with Him. That was the first time I picked up a Bible and actually got the 'thou, thee, thy' stuff. I tried reading that book so many times before, but I guess I wasn't ready for it, until that one dark day where G-d crept into my room and whispered "today is the day". I have been staying in contact with Him ever since and have had a newfound love and passion for life, regardless of any setbacks that come my way. Back in my bedroom, I sighed and thought "someone should sing that song on the show".

Last night, I watched "American Idol Gives Back". The show was a great show, filled with great words and great meaning. I obviously felt sad to see so many human beings in and outside the U.S. without the simple necessities that we probably have and take for granted. Then at one point the stage opened to Carrie Underwood. The moment I heard the 1st note she sang I had the chills. She sang the very song I was just remeniscing about. Wow. What an appropriate song, I thought. She sang it well, but I still stand behind the George Michael version. He sang it with so much passion. You'll have to hear it. What a great moment. The thought that crossed my mind came to life and out to the public through Carrie Underwood's great performance. Coincidence? Probably not....

I hope you can get the song, even the cd (it's worth it) and listen to it.

Watch and listen:

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Grocery Store

Last week I took a trip to the grocery store with my little mini-me. We walked together hand in hand until we got inside and I whooshed her like a supergirl flying in the air right into her cart seat. Away we went...humming along, humming a song and looking for some organic veggies and fruits for the week. Then I heard something. I heard someone faintly call my name. I looked at my daughter with a puzzled look and slowly kept carting along, thinking I just heard things. Then I heard it again. It was a female voice that called out my name. I swung my head around and looked behind me and all around me. "WHAT??" I thought. Who is calling me? I looked around again and really paid attention. Maybe it was a friend that was hiding behind a counter. Maybe it was my husband with a fake voice just trying to freak me out. No. It can't be. He's at work. What the hell? I kept on, but now I'm seriously wondering if I'm hearing things. I looked at my daughter and just as I started to say "I swear, I think I'm hearing things" I heard it again. This voice sounded so faint, but it was calling my name the same way and accent as my Mom would. My Mom...who's been in Heaven for 3 years now. I haven't heard my name spoken in that accent for YEARS, and now I am hearing this faint female voice calling out my name in a grocery store.

"Hel-lo" I heard from the faint voice again. I swung around like a stealthy ninja, seeking out the person who was playing this sick joke. No one was around us. Then I looked at my daughter, who was repeatedly saying the word 'app-le' to herself and having eternal bliss over absolutely everything around her. I took a deep breath and then thought "M--o--m?" Nooo. Ma couldn't be calling me from H-town, could she? NAH. But really...maybe she is. What if it is my Mom? Holy cripes. If my Ma is trying to get my attention, HOLY #$%!! How do I respond? OMG I'm gonna cry. I miss her so much. My Ma has always been 'in touch' with me through her signs or through dreams, but I never thought I'd get to actually talk to her! Finally! I've been asking her to come and hang out with me and now maybe I have that moment with her! Oh my gosh, there are so many things to talk about. So many things to ask her. Where do I begin? My heart was racing. "Should I just tell her I'm here?" I wondered. I can't wait for her to tell me what she thinks of my little girl! I started to smile, and my heart raced. I started to look up and heard my name called again along with some laughter. Then the harps that I heard playing in Heaven scratched to a halt. I looked at my daughter, and she froze. Okay, get a grip. I'm totally freaked out. I heard more laughter followed with another "Hel-lo?????" I traced the voice coming from my child's diaper bag and GASPED.

My fricken husband put my cell phone on auto answer so when anyone calls me it automatically puts it in speaker mode. I reached in my bag and pulled out my cell phone. It was my girlfriend from Florida, laughing her butt off. I heard her two sons in the background laughing and saying my name over and over. I could only think of two things at that moment: 1) I'm a moron. 2) I'm going to beat the crap out of my husband.

Moral of the story - Make sure your cell phone is NEVER on automatic answer, unless you think you are Phoebe from the television show Friends.

Toddler World

Who knew that the moment your little boo-boo, sweetheart baby, turns into a toddler that all moms gain a second pair of eyes in the back of their heads? I found myself with my back to the bathroom mirror, twisting myself about to view the back of my head looking for them this morning. I SWEAR they are there. Not only have my new pair of eyes helped me keep track of my 18 month old's whereabouts, but these eyes came with a better understanding of a new World I just recently entered - Toddler World.

My daughter just entered her terrible two's early, according to her pediatrician. To my husband, she is now an advanced child and he grabs a beer to celebrate. Nice. I, on the other hand, felt a little sweaty. Terrible two's? Ya think the number 2 could ever be joined with more positive words? We all know what "Number Two" is (which is a whole different article on a different day) but now I've learned about 2 having a "terrible" in front of it. Oh holy hell, what am I in for? Tantrums? Limits being tested? Not listening? Pinching? Biting? WHAT THE ----? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? The answer is NOPE. No kidding.

I've seen it with my friends' children and have started to see it with my little nutball girl. Here's what I think happened: our children morphed one night into little toddlers and have subconsciously invited their parents to partake residency in their new land called "Toddler World". You should be able to see the signs that your toddler has landed on the shores of their new World. The house you once had before your 1st baby looks nothing like you remembered. Your feet suddenly become accustomed to a standard sharp pain as they step on random objects that belong to a puzzle, game or developmental toy. The tables that once displayed great magazines, figurines and decorative items now house diapers and sanitary wipes. The scent of your home is a combination of, cleaning agents, dirty diapers and laundry detergent. The furinture that you took time to purchase because the fabric had to be 'oh so soft and comfy' now welcomes toys, reading books, noisy thing-a-ma-bobs, a fake cell phone and a few snacks that your child placed within its cushions because it was something fun to do. Parents that are reading this are either smiling because they can relate or feel frustrated because they can relate. Am I right? If this description sounds familiar then you, my fellow new parents, have entered Toddler World.

If you are new to Toddler World, here are a few pointers that may help change your tired, possibly frustrated perspective and help keep the peace in your home while you reside within your child's new haven:

1) Someone once told me "If you can't teach them good from bad and right from wrong at 14 months, you will not be able to teach them at 14 years." Keep that golden nugget in your mind's vault. The sooner you teach the better.
2) It is healthy for them to test you. This means their mind is working and they subconsciously want to know where their boundaries are.
3) Keep telling your child "You will love me later for this" when you have to discipline
4) Stick to your guns - "NO MEANS NO"
5) Say it again. What? Say it again. What? Say it again. (Get used to repeating your requests and demands.)
6) Don't forget to breathe.
7) Don't forget to laugh.
8) Believe in the art of distraction. Play a game, sing a song, dance around.
9) Buy TiVo or a DVR and keep their favorite shows that will allow you some down time every now and again.
10) Put your 'child eyes' on and try to see their view. (It's quite fun and helps us escape from the dreaded real life)

I think I have possibly become a super mom after mastery in some of these areas. I am currently looking for my invisible cape (I put it down right next to me and can't seem to find it). Some side effects you could experience is talking to adults the way you talk to your children (at the grocery store the other day I exclaimed "OH YAAAAAY!" when I found the cereal I wanted.). Another one that I personally am going through is finding yourself acting like a fool (marching down the aisle saying "march march march..."). Regardless of the side effects, you will feel like a super hero, too, if you can get through the new rules of the World.

I still can't get over my eyes. Four of them, people. I have four! I don't know how it happened, but I think a Heavenly force from above must have placed them in my head while I slept. I can type this information to you and tell you what position my 18 month old daughter is sleeping in behind me in her play yard. That's cool, eh? I think only Mom's get the extra eyes, but maybe there are some Dads out there that can tell me otherwise.

Well, my four-eyed parents, I look forward to hearing about your adventures in Toddler World. Until then, may the force of love be with you and yours.

Funny E-mail - Period

I received this e-mail today. Don't know if this is a real letter, but I don't care...I laughed along as I read it. I felt like applauding at the end because this woman wrote a letter with all the words and fervor I can relate to. Hope you enjoy this as much as I did. Please post your comment at the bottom :)

This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jenifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you f*&^%$# �kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.

Best,

Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX

I hope you enjoyed that e-mail as much as I did. If there is such a person that wrote that letter, then BRAVO for that effort!! I think some corporations can get so caught up in their business that they forget the human element required for more sales. I loved that e-mail.

18 Month Day

Today is my daughter's "18th Month Day". What an exciting day! She has grown so quickly. She wakes up in the morning and says "goo money!" which is toddler-speak for "good morning". She says "BYE DAAAD" as he leaves for work and says "NO!" as soon as he closes the door behind him, realizing that he's gone for the day. She then proceeds to her Little People house and joyfully plays and humms some song, then runs over and hugs me, just because.

I can't believe the time gone. Zapped so fast. It seems like yesterday when she was in an infant car seat unable to do anything...and a few days ago she's standing up in my shower and enjoying the water falling on her, stomping around like she were outside on a rainy day.

In my 1st week of March, my husband and I went on a business trip and Grandma, my husband's mom, got to watch her for the 1st time. I'd pick no one else to watch her. Grandma LOVES to love and so does my daughter. A perfect match, and Grandma loves her to pieces. It was my 1st time leaving my baby. I cried, and spent many days with a lumpy throat and glassy eyes. She had just learned to say the letter "Y". We don't know why, but that letter stood out in her head over all other letters. I showed Grandma what I do in my daily schedule, and took a deep breath before walking out the door. It was easier to an extent since our flight was so early in the morning, that I'd leave in the middle of the night without having my girl see me leave. Didn't help me, though. "She just learned the letter "Y"' I thought to myself on the plane. I remenisced how she pointed to any sign that had the letter "Y" when we'd go to the grocery store together. I remember sighing and trying to swallow my motherly tears. I just loved being a mother, and most of all, HER mother. I made sure to call as much as I could to see how my darling little nutball was doing. A few days in our trip I was on the phone talking to Grandma to see how my baby girl was doing. Just then my husband, who was going through our suitcase, stood up and had a look of surprise and delight on his face. He held up a small lime green magnet. It was the letter "Y". I started to cry and laugh at the same time. How great that THAT letter of all letters happened to come along on the trip with us! I told Grandma about it as I was wiping the tears from my face and holding the letter in my hands. Grandma then said "You know what else? I've been singing the alphabet song and your daughter cuts me off when I get to "X" and says "Y"...". She then said "so I'd sing, Q-R-S-T-U-V...W-X..then little girl screams out "Y!" and I'd finish with "and Z"." Wow. I was amazed. What's even more amazing is that with taxes due in a short while, the economy stinking, politicians out of control and real estate being in the worst condition, I have actually found sheer delight and content in a topic that remarkably involves a toddler and the wonderful letter "Y".



Today my daughter is 18 months old. "Happy 18-month-day!" I said to her and kissed the heck out of her. A thousand kisses doesn't even scratch the surface of how much I want to kiss her. I celebrate each month because of something my husband once said to me about Christmas: "Every day is Christmas". He's right. Everyday is Christmas with my daughter. Every month that passes tells me that it's another month she has grown and experienced life with me and the man I love.

I bought her a little cupcake to enjoy and she gave me a hug followed by a loving "awwwwwww". I love celebrating every month with her. I know one day it won't matter to her, and we'll just be celebrating every year...but when I look back, I'll be glad that we had these days. Happy 18-Month Day, babygirl.

The Spank Factor - Toddlers

I remember sitting at a restaurant with my husband and overhearing a screaming child. I remember, back before I had a child, how I jokingly said to my husband "If that were me, I'd beat the living crap out of my child". I used to joke about my so-called 'hit first, ask questions later' rule with my friends and it always brought about some laughter. Was I kidding back then? Probably not, because back then I was talking purely out of ignorance, and a little experience.

As a child I was hit a few times by my parents, but that was all I needed to be set straight. Then they mastered the art of "the look". The "look" was that certain facial expression where they widened their eyes and tilted their head in just the right position that somehow spiritually said "Don't even think about disappointing me". All I needed was that "look", and their perfect child I became. I never baby sat children or spent years understanding children's behavior, so their bad behavior naturally fit in with the rest. Being single, children were not a priority. Success was my priority. Success and love. When it came to children, I naturally thought that they all need a good spankin' to keep the peace in a household. I remember saying "oh,no...I'm not putting up with that crap" referring to a child who was fussing about refusing to sit in a high chair and watching the parent remain calm. Then I had my baby, and everything I said was thrown out the door.

Something happened to me after giving birth. My eyes received a clarity and my understanding became updated automatically once my baby was put into my arms for the 1st time. I realized over the course of my 1st year with my baby that that is what she is - a baby. And to imagine spanking this child? Never. Well, of course you don't spank an infant. I should hope no one ever does. It's the years ahead...the toddler years. Those are the years where I've heard the worst is brought out of the parent. I just read an article about a Florida woman who brought her two year old girl to a local car wash. She didn't bring her daughter to the car wash to show her how cars are washed, or to get her own car washed even. She brought her two year old daughter to the car wash to spray her with the power washing spray. It was caught on video. Google it. You'll find it. She later says that she loves her daughter and didn't put the level of the water flow to the high pressure side, but wanted to teach her daughter a lesson for having a tantrum. She was going to teach her daughter what respect means. I'm still sick to my stomach about the act itself. Imagine that girl. She is two years fresh into the world, so many things are changing in her mind, body and spirit and the one person that was chosen to be her mother shoves a water spray into her face and body over and over again. All because the little child unknowingly brought out the worst of her mother.

Hitting and abusing a child is a tough topic to discuss on any message board, I have seen, because we come across so many parents that see nothing wrong in swatting, spanking, beating or any other word that describes a physical act inflicting pain or harm that is used to teach their child what right and wrong is. Since this is my blog, I'm stating purely what I feel and I can only hope there are more mothers and fathers out there that agree. I'm writing this to parents that wonder how other parents rear their kids without having to spank them. I know there will be disagreements but all I ask is that you try with every cell in your body, just give it a try and see the results. I now look back to the woman I was before having a baby. The 'hit-first-and-ask-questions-later' gal. I can't believe that was me!

If you look at the big picture, your child is new to everything, and learns from the environment that surrounds him or her. They come to us completely helpless, and depend on us to direct them to the right place or, if anything, to help get them back into the game of Life when Life calls a foul play. Children, in my opinion, are fresh and pure beings that came from G-d's Home. They come here having to learn a new language, structure, and foundation. Their eyes are new to everything, and parents have had over 20 years experience (give or take some years) to have forgotten that they, too, were in that same place. Some remember their childhood and want to relive it through their child, others never want to relive that time in their lives, and still others want to improve on what they experienced. Still we hear so many stories in the news of pure selfishness put upon a child that still has no idea how to live life as an adult, yet is expected to act as if they have been here for the same amount of years as their adult parents.

My daughter has entered her 'terrible twos' early. When I tell people that, I hear "ooohh boy" or "ohhhh no! I remember those days" or even a little wicked laughter from a parent that has been there and done that. I understand, however, that that is the time in a child's life where they are learning, growing and testing the parents. I learned to change my perception from 'irritating child' to a healthy child that is doing exactly what she needs to. It seems many parents who think it's okay to hit their children have been hit themselves as children, so it is what they know that works. Maybe it's an easy remedy to put a child in place. I believe, though, that it is not the only thing that works. You can break the "history repeats itself" spell with strong effort, lots of deep breaths and awareness of what is really going on.

I know that children can be hard to work with, because saying "no" doesn't always register in their minds, but I believe that if they knew that what they did upset you, it would strike a chord in their little hearts. I believe that children want nothing more than to please their parents. Testing your patience is a great thing! That shows you that your child is getting to learn where boundaries are with you and with them. It is telling you that your child's mind is working well, and that it is your turn to work harder to educate your child on where he stands and where you stand. It's hard work keeping a no-spanking zone, when they are doing everything to tempt your hand to take a swing -but- if you start a habit of spanking now, I believe many children will cater to it, push the level of tolerance to a new level and eventually become numb to it. You may end up hitting harder, bringing out the ol' leather belt, or what have you. But then I ask you this: then what? Maybe you've successfully planted fear in your children's hearts. Maybe you like having that type of control. Or maybe you haven't seen your child respond to the beatings and you are just worn out. At the end of the day, was all that really necessary? Maybe in some homes you feel it is...but what if there was a home just like yours with the same number of children, and no beatings ever took place? Wouldn't you want to know what that family does? Or would you simply diagnose them as "lucky"? I'd want to know.

I really believe we need to think about how we respond to them that will determine how long these moments will fester. I can't answer all issues of spanking but I at least can tell you that I have realized over the past two years how my words, firmness, actions, reactions and facial expressions have already created a foundation of what is right and wrong for my child. If you start early, the foundation built in the beginning will be strong for the future bumps in the road.

Some examples I use for my toddler:
--Strong, firm words
--Sticking to what I say ('no' means 'no', even if they are the cutest baby in the world)
--Distractions (if the child grabbed a pen, distract with something safer and remove the pen)
--Tantrums, let them have one. When they see you get bent out of shape, they'll realize the tantrum gets your attention so they'll use it again and again. (Just keep them from injuring themselves or others)
-Don't draw attention to bad habits (The more you draw attention on the bad the more they'll do. When you see a bad habit, find a better thing to have them do and focus on that as fun instead.)
-Neutral reaction (When my daughter wants my attention she'll throw something to see my reaction. I don't get mad or smile. I simply bring her to the item that she threw and help her to pick up the item and put it back where it belongs- all with a neutral face.)
--Repetition (You are teaching your child new good habits. Habits don't happen over night, so you will need to repeatedly say and do the same things to get your point. It's tough, but one day they will do exactly what you have painstakenly done over and over...all by themselves.)
--Listen to what they are saying. They don't have all the words, but sometimes they are trying to tell you something. A toy could have fallen, their hand may be stuck in something, etc.

Sometimes we get caught up in our world for a moment and a minor irritation from an unknowing child can at times seem like a hinderance. Until they can truly speak with knowledge of what they are saying, these are the years we need to try and be most alert, since all they can do is cry or say a couple of words. They are just as frustrated as you are because they can't communicate so well yet, let alone figuring out how to do anything independently.

I know I have more years to come with my daughter, but so far my home has been filled with love and understanding, as well as a lot of challenges that were met without that good ol' spanking that I was so sure to give. If there are any parents that do not believe in spanking, and have more helpful words or ideas, please feel free to comment so we can help others.

I can only hope my words reach parents that want to try to do the same and give "sparing the rod" a chance. Good luck!

Rules in My Home

These are rules I have in my house, you'll either agree or disagree, but maybe you'll find one that sparks your heart as you read?
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• Love and respect yourself: Hard to do (esp for women, being the maternal creatures we are), but your children will look up to you later for it.
• Love and respect your spouse/partner: you both play a vital role in your children's lives, you are together because you loved each other 1st
• When you do have an argument with your spouse/partner, remember that you do love them; don't fight to win at all costs.
• Agree to disagree
• Adore your children: remember that they are children always needing guidance and you were selected to guide them
• Discipline your children with firmness, love from your heart and awareness that they are learning from your actions
• Hang your favorite pictures all around your house, of you and your loved one, your children, pets...every treasured moment to remind you of the reward you have received by creating your family.
• Through the storms, know that the clouds do clear and the sun still shines. Get through it, and ride the wave.
• Be the person you want your child to become. (Think morals, ethics, values...)
• Let your children see you cry. It is healthy for them to understand you have emotions.
• Quit the video games and t.v. (as sources for entertainment) and have your child learn to enjoy and cope with silence. Take time to learn about your child, and have your child learn about you, instead of allowing the electronic and digital world to take over your child's development.
• Chores are not chores. It is part of a lifestyle. Chores get done because it has to. Period. They are done just as often as you brush your teeth and wipe your butt (let's hope to G-d we all do that!) No negotiations. They will love you later for it.
• No double standards (ex. I can smoke, but you can't)
  recognize the fact that you are your children's biggest role model; be a positive one
  Teach them value...worth...the true fabric of a great person.
• If you are one of faith: pray...REALLY pray...with your heart and soul, not for show. It will impact your children (and your lives)
• Play fun games that require movement (pictionary, charades, etc)...
  Support your children with the good things, and teach them better with the bad things.
• Tell stories about you ... you'd be surprised how glad they'd be to know about who you were, good and bad.
• Be fair, open minded, understanding and take responsibilities for what you do/say that was wrong.

Life is not as long as we think, so why not live it as well as we can so our children can have memories to appreciate and good habits to pass on when/if they become parents one day? Show your children all the passion you have and let them carry that passion onward, knowing you showed them the way.

Baby Advice - Dunstan Baby Language

If you are a mother of a newborn up to 3 months old baby or are pregnant please consider learning shortcuts in handling your baby when he or she cries. I believe this may be one great source to prepare you, help you to get closer to your child and have a happy relationship with your baby at such a tender and loving age! I thought to at least give my experience and tell you why I'd advise anyone who is having a baby, especially a new mother, to review the site at the bpttome of this post and watch the incredible Dunstan Baby Language DVD.

I had my little girl in September of 2006. As happy as I was, I found myself spending all of the following month a mess emotionally and exhausted physically. I didn't know how to keep my little one from crying, and I didn't know why she was crying. I spoke to so many moms that said, "you just gotta try everything and hopefully one of them should work". Well, I tried and nothing seemed to work. By the end of October I was exhausted, confused, depressed and told my husband in a fit of emotion, "...this is happening because my baby hates me. It HAS to be. The cradling, feeding, singing, and everything else...nothing is working. I just don't know what she wants and I'm telling you, she probably just doesn't like me."

I remember one day being in my daughter's room, sitting in my glider and rocking with my crying little girl, sobbing. I looked up and prayed. I said "G-d, seriously, you HAVE to help me. I don't know what she wants. I feel like I'm a horrible mother! I love this child so much...please help me!" I later found myself downstairs on my couch just freaked out, wondering what I'm going to do? I felt like I had no connection with my daughter because, no matter what I did, she still cried.

It's not like the movies...you sing a lullaby and -POOF- baby is sleeping. I turned on my t.v. and watched the latest Oprah show that I TiVoed, while my little girl finally slept. There were all these babies with their parents and a beautiful long-haired lady from Australia, Priscilla Dunstan. She explained how babies actually have 5 sounds that do have meaning when they cry, you just have to hear them. I looked up and held my heart and whispered "Thank you!" to G-d, and continued watching the show. This woman had maybe 10 parents, each with one child, twins, a boy or a girl. All children she worked with were newborn up to 3 months old. The poor babies were fussiing or crying. Within 10 minutes this Heavenly woman had every baby calm and happy, all because she took a moment, heard their cry and told the parent what their baby was asking for.

I just about fell off my couch in surprise. It was EXACTLY what I needed to know. So I studied the baby cry examples that she provided. I wrote down the sounds phonetically, prayed and then took a deep breath. When my little baby woke up, and cried I listened. Throughout the rest of the day when she cried, I listened, and holy moly...there it was! One of the cries this woman talked about! It was a cry to be burped, so I picked her up and, still half believing this show, I rubbed her back. "Buuuuuuurp!" There it was, and then a happy baby followed.

My husband can tell you behind my back how quickly the change in mood was in our home; from a confused cranky and upsetting household to peace...and quiet...and laughter. The change took place within 2 days. I contacted my hospital and urged them to work a seminar about this to new moms so they wouldn't have to be as upset, scared or confused as I was, as well as have so many sleepless and frustrating nights. I thought of how many mothers out there that took their frustration out on their child by sadly shaking their baby to calm them down. I thought of the number of injuries and deaths could be prevented by giving this DVD a try, and giving a chance for the child to tell us all what they need since they come to us fresh from Heaven, with no guidebook or language translation manual. Priscilla Dunstan's information seems to also SAVE mothers from frustration, confusion and exhaustion!! A win-win DVD, if you ask me.

This dvd is totally worth your money!!

http://www.dunstanbaby.com/