Rules in My Home

These are rules I have in my house, you'll either agree or disagree, but maybe you'll find one that sparks your heart as you read?
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• Love and respect yourself: Hard to do (esp for women, being the maternal creatures we are), but your children will look up to you later for it.
• Love and respect your spouse/partner: you both play a vital role in your children's lives, you are together because you loved each other 1st
• When you do have an argument with your spouse/partner, remember that you do love them; don't fight to win at all costs.
• Agree to disagree
• Adore your children: remember that they are children always needing guidance and you were selected to guide them
• Discipline your children with firmness, love from your heart and awareness that they are learning from your actions
• Hang your favorite pictures all around your house, of you and your loved one, your children, pets...every treasured moment to remind you of the reward you have received by creating your family.
• Through the storms, know that the clouds do clear and the sun still shines. Get through it, and ride the wave.
• Be the person you want your child to become. (Think morals, ethics, values...)
• Let your children see you cry. It is healthy for them to understand you have emotions.
• Quit the video games and t.v. (as sources for entertainment) and have your child learn to enjoy and cope with silence. Take time to learn about your child, and have your child learn about you, instead of allowing the electronic and digital world to take over your child's development.
• Chores are not chores. It is part of a lifestyle. Chores get done because it has to. Period. They are done just as often as you brush your teeth and wipe your butt (let's hope to G-d we all do that!) No negotiations. They will love you later for it.
• No double standards (ex. I can smoke, but you can't)
  recognize the fact that you are your children's biggest role model; be a positive one
  Teach them value...worth...the true fabric of a great person.
• If you are one of faith: pray...REALLY pray...with your heart and soul, not for show. It will impact your children (and your lives)
• Play fun games that require movement (pictionary, charades, etc)...
  Support your children with the good things, and teach them better with the bad things.
• Tell stories about you ... you'd be surprised how glad they'd be to know about who you were, good and bad.
• Be fair, open minded, understanding and take responsibilities for what you do/say that was wrong.

Life is not as long as we think, so why not live it as well as we can so our children can have memories to appreciate and good habits to pass on when/if they become parents one day? Show your children all the passion you have and let them carry that passion onward, knowing you showed them the way.

Baby Advice - Dunstan Baby Language

If you are a mother of a newborn up to 3 months old baby or are pregnant please consider learning shortcuts in handling your baby when he or she cries. I believe this may be one great source to prepare you, help you to get closer to your child and have a happy relationship with your baby at such a tender and loving age! I thought to at least give my experience and tell you why I'd advise anyone who is having a baby, especially a new mother, to review the site at the bpttome of this post and watch the incredible Dunstan Baby Language DVD.

I had my little girl in September of 2006. As happy as I was, I found myself spending all of the following month a mess emotionally and exhausted physically. I didn't know how to keep my little one from crying, and I didn't know why she was crying. I spoke to so many moms that said, "you just gotta try everything and hopefully one of them should work". Well, I tried and nothing seemed to work. By the end of October I was exhausted, confused, depressed and told my husband in a fit of emotion, "...this is happening because my baby hates me. It HAS to be. The cradling, feeding, singing, and everything else...nothing is working. I just don't know what she wants and I'm telling you, she probably just doesn't like me."

I remember one day being in my daughter's room, sitting in my glider and rocking with my crying little girl, sobbing. I looked up and prayed. I said "G-d, seriously, you HAVE to help me. I don't know what she wants. I feel like I'm a horrible mother! I love this child so much...please help me!" I later found myself downstairs on my couch just freaked out, wondering what I'm going to do? I felt like I had no connection with my daughter because, no matter what I did, she still cried.

It's not like the movies...you sing a lullaby and -POOF- baby is sleeping. I turned on my t.v. and watched the latest Oprah show that I TiVoed, while my little girl finally slept. There were all these babies with their parents and a beautiful long-haired lady from Australia, Priscilla Dunstan. She explained how babies actually have 5 sounds that do have meaning when they cry, you just have to hear them. I looked up and held my heart and whispered "Thank you!" to G-d, and continued watching the show. This woman had maybe 10 parents, each with one child, twins, a boy or a girl. All children she worked with were newborn up to 3 months old. The poor babies were fussiing or crying. Within 10 minutes this Heavenly woman had every baby calm and happy, all because she took a moment, heard their cry and told the parent what their baby was asking for.

I just about fell off my couch in surprise. It was EXACTLY what I needed to know. So I studied the baby cry examples that she provided. I wrote down the sounds phonetically, prayed and then took a deep breath. When my little baby woke up, and cried I listened. Throughout the rest of the day when she cried, I listened, and holy moly...there it was! One of the cries this woman talked about! It was a cry to be burped, so I picked her up and, still half believing this show, I rubbed her back. "Buuuuuuurp!" There it was, and then a happy baby followed.

My husband can tell you behind my back how quickly the change in mood was in our home; from a confused cranky and upsetting household to peace...and quiet...and laughter. The change took place within 2 days. I contacted my hospital and urged them to work a seminar about this to new moms so they wouldn't have to be as upset, scared or confused as I was, as well as have so many sleepless and frustrating nights. I thought of how many mothers out there that took their frustration out on their child by sadly shaking their baby to calm them down. I thought of the number of injuries and deaths could be prevented by giving this DVD a try, and giving a chance for the child to tell us all what they need since they come to us fresh from Heaven, with no guidebook or language translation manual. Priscilla Dunstan's information seems to also SAVE mothers from frustration, confusion and exhaustion!! A win-win DVD, if you ask me.

This dvd is totally worth your money!!

http://www.dunstanbaby.com/

MILEPEBBLES

I'm constantly going through these little moments in my life with my daughter that have not exactly earned the title of "milestones" but can't be ignored in my heart. So I am calling them "milepebbles".

They are the moments that enter through your eyes, whisper into your heart, create a wonderful swell of love within your spirit and finally leave a lump in your throat. The moments trigger an identification to you that your child just grew a little more, and your moments with your child yesterday remain right there - yesterday. That moment, without an invitation to leave, left the party... and a new and different moment took it's place.

So far I have watched my little child grow from little ticks of movement, squeaks of noise, spit ups and no support to sit or stand into an outrageously amazing child of love, light and energy.

As I am writing this, I turned and looked at my daughter. What a sight. There she is, sitting on top of the floor vent watching a Noggin commercial and applying a yellow crayon onto her lips as if it were the daily dosage of Chapstick. Only parents could appreciate that.

She's only 17 months old, yet I look back at infinite moments I adore. Thousands of moments I want to savor forever. Here are some milepebbles that proudly hang in my hall of memories:

Looking at the sonogram screen and comprehending that the teeniest spot that was flashing quickly was my daughter...the size of a piece of rice, and the flashing was her miraculous heartbeat.

Seeing her in my arms for the 1st time, completely depending on my love and care. So fragile...so pure.

The 1st time my heart felt so much concern to make sure my child got everything she needed.

Seeing her smile as she slept....

The excitement I had when she began to eat solid foods.

Her 1st laugh...and every laugh after that. The simplest gestures that made her little body shake with laughter.

My heart dropping when she rolled over, sat up, walked along the couch and finally taking steps on her own.

Moving her from the co-sleeper to her crib.

The day she held my head in her little hands and kissed me.

Moving her from an infant car seat to a bigger car seat, and finally seeing her beautiful face in my rearview mirror.

The day she hugged me back.

Hearing her first words...followed by her impressive character.

Watching her say "HI-eeeee!" to every single person that she passed by and expecting a response.

My jaw dropping when she first started to dance, memorized "ring around the rosie", knew over 50% of the pictures from the alphabet flashcards and made 'deals' with me (if she has a pen in her hand, she'd much rather offer a kiss than give up the pen....smart girl, eh?).

My shock to see her do everything she can to make sure Daddy and Mommy are loved equally (she will kiss Daddy, then run over to kiss me before moving on).

Laughing to tears with my husband over how she says "No" to everything we say to her. 'Are you a good girl?' ..."No." 'Honey, hand me that toy' ..."No." 'Babygirl, give me a kissie!' ..."No."

And finally today, I went to a restaurant with a friend and her children and for the 1st time chose a booster seat instead of a high chair. I just couldn't believe she was sitting in a booster seat already! There she was sitting right next to me in our booth. My little baby... who I've only seen in an infant car seat or high chair, is now sitting next to me!

Later as we were leaving, I didn't carry her out as I always have. Didn't use a stroller either. I actually set her feet on the ground, took a deep breath and let her hold my hand. We walked out of the restaurant together. What a moment for me. What an independent moment for her!! We loved walking together so much that I had to walk with her once we reached home.

There I was, walking around my neighborhood with my baby girl. To my left was this little impressive and adorable child with her pink spring trenchcoat and her shoulder-length hair. She was walking as if she'd been walking for 20 years. She closed her eyes and let the cool breeze flow all around her. She looked up at me and said her new word from two weeks ago, "cold." I looked back at her and nodded with a huge smile on my face... and the largest lump in my throat. We continued walking. I sang twinkle twinkle little star and she "la-la"-ed along with me as we swung our arms and held hands. "Another milepebble" I said to myself. I stopped walking and got to my daughter's level. I looked in her chocolate brown eyes and whispered "I will remember this day forever" and hugged her. She responded ..."No."

Ahhh, that's my girl.

If I earned a dollar for every milepebble I have, I'd be a billionaire.

Try Meditation

I've started to meditate again. Done it before and loved it. It brings peace throughout your whole body, soul, and mind. I've heard lots of people wonder what they have to do...and it's quite simple. You may have done it after a group workout at a gym or through a yoga or pilates class.

It's not always about the "ommm" or the "Ahhhh"...it's about first getting your mind focused on the real you that's working 24/7 inside. You know, the 'you' that you probably forgot about all these years? The 'you' you see everyday is the 'you' that is made up of your environment, trends, habits and experiences. The real you is centered deep inside, and meditation helps you get back in touch with the powerful 'you'. Here's some easy steps to get started:

• find a quiet place in your house


• sit with legs folded ('indian style") -hands rest comfortable over knees/region


• no music...just silence


• close eyes take a big relaxing deeeeep breath before you begin


• - then - just for 1 minute, breathe in with your nose, pause for a second, and exhale out of your mouth as calmly as you can


• you're done!

A minute seems short, but enough for your first time because you may find out that you can't focus because you find your mind wandering all over the place with different thoughts. Your brain is chokfull of stuff and you need time and patience to slowly fade out the 'yuck' and fade in the 'yum'.

• Within that minute try to imagine air flowing through your nose, making its way through to your lungs, your lungs expanding


• when you breathe out, envision that air leaving your lungs, up and through your throat and out of your mouth carrying the little bits of chaos or stress you've collected with it.

You are exhaling the dead energy and inhaling new and powerful energy. Once the minute is complete, sit calmly for a moment with your eyes open. Be aware of that moment and then get up and walk away.

The next day go for 2 minutes...then 3...up to 5 minutes and add what you can handle each day going forward.

I'm doing this now...it will work and it is invigorating.

People have asked about music with meditation...and that depends on your goal. My goal is to dive into the pool of my soul and reconnect with my spirit. My other goal is to master silence (my friends that know me are probably laughing because silence and me don't mix - haha!). It's the inner silence that is required for inner control, stability and truth of self.

If your goal is to simply 'chill out'...or relax from a rough day, play music that is calming. Music that gives sound, instead of words, so your mind doesn't concentrate on the meaning of the song or the words. It should be music that can lull your mind to a calm state. A great cd I recommend if you want to incorporate music is "2002" (if you have itunes, you can buy it there. I'm sure if you Google it you'll find it too.)

*I personally recommend 1st acheiving meditation without music. Once you can master silence... you can handle anything.

Someone had asked me if I need to be a certain faith or from a certain country to be able to meditate. My firm answer is 'No'. Meditation may have originated in a certain country, but it has nothing to do with religion...it has to do with self and connection with your self. The Hindu Gods (Shiva, Krishna, etc) meditated...Jesus meditated, and if you begin to research, you'll see plenty more all over the world have and still meditate.

Don't meditate it because it seems like a trend. If you try, do it for the purpose the trend re-started; it is harmless, it is good for you, and most of all it's one effort you can take to keep peace in your heart when the world seems to serve stress on a platter in our everyday lives.

Reading A New Earth? How can it work with your children?

I was on a message board where a parent asked how she can teach her children her beliefs that are improving from the result of the new Ekhart Tolle book, A New Earth. It made me think about what I am doing and will do with my little girl and wanted to share:

It's hard to quickly sum up what you should tell your children, especially if we are also growing in knowledge as we speak. What whould you want your children to learn out of the life they've been given? I'll give you my thoughts for my child and maybe you'll connect or mabe not, but it's worth a try.

My parents came from India and one of the things I brought into our home is something called 'ahimsa'. I'm not the BEST advocate for it but I'm doing the best I can. Ahimsa means no-injury...living with peace...living in love. It's the type of practice where you simply try to live through acts of love and find peace where situations tempt you to feel otherwise. Again, I said it's something I'm doing the best I can at enforcing... it is not easy with our ego and Eckhart's "pain-body" in the way, but try the idea of it.

Here's my world for instance...let's say a bee enters your home. I can think of at least 10 families I know that will have chaos in their house. Children on the couch, parents flying all over the room cussing and swearing with a fly swatter, spray, broom...whatever weapon they can find to kill that annoying 'pest'. I'm born and reared in the U.S. so I completely understand that knee jerk reaction as I mimicked my friends and reacted the same way for years. One day when I was a teen, I killed a bee and watched it as it fell to the ground. It was then that my heart sunk for the 1st time. I know...I know...you're saying "but it's a bee". Yes...but it had a life and I took it because it flew in my home by accident. To us it was an uninvited guest, but to them...just another opening in their outdoor world. Since then I always found a cup, bowl or what have you and captured the lost bee and let it out. It wasn't looking for trouble...so instead of taking it's life for my own selfish purposes, I sent it back on it's journey. That is my perception and my husband does the same with spiders and other 'creepy crawly' creatures.

I know we can't do that for all creatures...you can't exactly invite a poisonous creature in for tea and cookies...and I still haven't figured out the purpose for a mosquito - lol. I'm just using my heart to help keep a sense of love for creatures and peace in our home. If we change our perception for a single bee, it may start to change your perception of other living things, and ultimately yourself and children.

I want my child to embrace the world G-d has given her, from the small insects to the stars in the sky. I believe we have a purpose to watch over the earth that G-d gave and asked us to manage. I believe that G-d also gave us our children, and in turn we have a duty to teach our children about G-d and all of His children that live on all of His land. I believe that many children have been reared without really appreciating the value of our earth and all beings that were given residency. Sometimes it looks like there are just a bunch of cliques in this world, ganging up on someone that looks different or has something they want, which is really why I think we have the wars that we do.

If my child can learn anything from this book and the belief that I have...she would learn about awareness within herself and forgiveness to others that have not attained that sense of awareness.

If you want to teach your children goodness and peace, it has to first start from within, moreso with you. Once you feel right with that emotion, it will be easy to convey and you do pose as role models for your babies. You can also introduce them to meditation or martial arts, where use of the inner self can bring about a certain order in the outer self. Their outside behavior should reflect their inside belief, in my opinion. Again...it will all start with you.

My daughter is only 17 months old now but I've accomplished getting her to understand how to take a deep breath and a loooong stretch. Little by little she'll feel encouragement to embrace the good around her and hopefully protect herself from the bad with the help of G-d's blessings.
Even as the Bible states "Ask and you shall receive...seek and you shall find." You will find that place you want to be in and even better...you will build the foundation for your children to dance along with the rhythm of life's beat.

My Internet Home

Went through some sites on the internet that seemed open for discussion among parents and the last one I went to made me decide that it was just better to have my own blog so I returned and created a different name that was best suited for me.

I'd rather voice my thoughts about what I feel is best in my world instead of offering my opinions and feeling the Ginzu knives strike me from sensitive readers who would rather have emotional outbursts than try for intellectual or mature discussions. I kinda felt like I'm a guy in a relationship in those situations. If you see a couple and the gal starts a discussion with a comment that the boyfriend just knows leads to a an argument or fight, you can hear a silent sigh from the guy as he wipes his hand across his forehead. You know that sigh? It's the sigh that says "oh boy...here we go...". Yep. Well I found myself having that sigh often on this particular site. I have learned over time that unless I'm paid to go into someone's mind to figure out where exactly their hositily is coming from, I would much rather walk away from a bomb that's about to blow, than to be a part of an unnecessary blast. I'm an "agree to disagree" kind of person so since I wasn't feelin it from there it was time to move on.

Anyhow, I finally decided to just go back to this blogsite to write whatever I feel and not worry if my comments got 5 stars or 1 star. It's late and mama needs her sleep. Ciao, adios and buh-bye.

June 1st 2007 - Our Rainy Day

I knew a storm was approaching as I was driving down a local road to the grocery store to get food for my daughter. We were almost out and there was no choice. As I drove down the road I could see daylight all the way ahead of me and a clear sky all the way behind me. Of course, the darkest black cloud had to be right above me. I raced down the street and parked my car, the whole while praying that the rain wouldn't start to pour until I got into the store with my girl. She was harnessed up in my carrier. Would you believe we got only 4 steps away from the store's door and it JUST started to pour? WHEW! Very good timing!

We are done shopping and the rain is still coming down, but not as hard as before. You can see the sky slowly clearing and the sun setting in the west. I decided to take my daughter with me outside, stay under the canopy, watch the rain and wait for the sky to clear. She came out with me and looked at the sky. Her legs jerked with excitement and her eyes and arms were wide open to the sky. As the rain calmed to a walkable drizzle, I opened up my umbrella and started to walk toward my car. You can see and hear the chaos around in the parking lot. People running to their cars, upset that their hair is a mess from the rain, cussing because their clothes got wet, or upset because they had to run to their cars instead of lazily walking like they do on a clear day. No one seemed happy. No one, that is, except my daughter. In all that chaos, I took my first step toward my car. It seemed as if we were all alone when we walked. I don't remember anyone being around us. It was just me, my daughter, and the rain from Heaven.

I wondered how she would handle the rain, thunder and lightning, seeing the sky so different than she's seen before. Instead of a frightened look, or a cry from fear or unhappiness, I heard something from her that will stay with me forever. In my first step I wondered what her emotions would be and in a split second I heard it - the combination of the beautiful soft sound of rain as it hit the ground and the purest form of laughter from my daughter. She looked up at the sky and giggled with the greatest joy. She closed her eyes as the rain fell on her little beautiful face. I originally intended to walk fast to the car with my umbrella, but my first step quickly slowed down to a calm stroll to the car. I folded up my umbrella and kept it to the side.

I looked at her and she looked at me. Then we looked up to the sky together and she giggled with so much excitement to feel the raindrops on her face. It was as if she welcomed the rain as a guest in our home. A very profound and humbling moment for me. Though the distance to my car was short, it seemed to be the longest, most memorable and enjoyable walk I've had so far with my little baby girl. Among the chaos in everyone's mind over rain, it seemed as though my daughter was able to appreciate what G-d gave to us with full awareness. While people complained... she giggled. While people cussed... she laughed. While people looked frustrated... she simply smiled and, in her own way, said "thank you!" to G-d. I believe my little child knows who G-d really is, and once again showed me the way to a peaceful heart and mind.

"Firsts"

First. That word, though just a word, seems to mean so much to so many people. It's a status - "First class". It's a happening - "First presentation". It's a moment in time - "First kiss". My sister-in-law got married in September. She floated on air, as she should because she was marrying her first love.

I don't know what most women go through when they watch another wedding take place, but I yearn to go back in time and get married again. My first wedding to my first real love who I am with still, thankfully. That was SUCH a fun time...getting married. Planning and looking wonderful while everyone happily watched my sweetheart and I commit to each other. Just like your first kiss....you can never get that feeling back again. You have to capture it and savor it.

I remember my first kiss...I still think about it every once in a while. It was a yummy kiss (oh... so yummy). Sometimes I can even smell the scent of Big Red gum...the gum that the guy was chewing when he kissed me. Wow. I'll never have that moment again. Sure there are other yummy kisses, but that very FIRST one set the stage for the rest of my sensual life. Your firsts do set a standard, don't they? Once you have something good the first time, you will always want that again and more of it. When a woman gets a yucky kiss as her first, ohhhh boy...they will search forever just to find out what a good kiss feels like.

I know when I watched my sis-in-law walk down that aisle...I wished to do the same again with my husband. I remembered him standing there at the end of the aisle waiting anxiously to have me next to him. I could marry him again, but it won't be the same. It won't be my first. Now we are parents, with our 1st child in '06. Talk about firsts. I have loved every bit of my "firsts" with her. When she was 9 months old, she had lots of firsts. I'll be anxious to watch my daughter go through the same firsts as I have - hopefully with the same feelings as I have had.

My best advice for anyone regarding firsts...write them down, scrapbook it, save that moment some way other than in your mind. On your down days when you look back you will see that your records of your "firsts" could easily bring your mood back to a happy place... maybe even beckon you to seek out your next "first".