You'll Understand Better When You're a Mom

“You’ll understand better when you’re a mom”. Did you ever hear that before having a baby? If you are planning to get pregnant, are you hearing that now? Does it bother you? I used to get so frustrated hearing moms say that to me. I'd feel somehow offended, thinking "What - I'm able to love like you, why does having a baby have to make everything so different?” I mean geez, I thought I was a fun gal; a kid on the inside; someone I'd think babies and kids would love to hang out with and play. Why do I have to wait until I have a baby to understand moms? They’re female...I'm female...they love...I love.. I've taken too many sighs after hearing that comment. It just lingered in my mental closet, irritating me. It's like hearing "you'll understand better when you're older." What's the big ol' mystery?

Time passed. I turned 30. Then 31. Then 32. Then 33. The dialogue of My Cousin Vinny's character Mona Lisa Vito echoed in my head "My biological clock is ticking...!" Then I turned 34... and in my 34th year, G-d created my 1st child... and it was good. I went for my 1st ultrasound at 5 weeks to make sure everything was a-ok with baby and me. I hopped up on the table and rested my head on the pillow. I turned my head toward the sonogram screen where my sonographer was sitting by and analyzing a cloud of blacks, whites and greys on the screen. Then I heard my sonographer, "awww, there you are! Lookin' good! And you've got a nice strong heartbeat!". I looked at her and then at the screen she was talking to. There was a teeny, tiny, itsy, bitsy dot flashing in front of my confused eyes. As soon as the thought 'what's that?' entered my head, my suddenly psychic sonographer pointed to a flashing dot and answered "that little dot flashing there is your baby... about the size of a piece of rice. The flashing is the baby's heart beating". I, an emotionally controlled woman, instantly began to tear up. I couldn't take my glassy eyes off the screen. With a lump in my throat I whispered "really?". It wasn't just a heartbeat, it was my baby's heart -- and it was beating. Whoa. There I was, a strong and independent warrior of a woman ready to take on the world, resting my head on a pillow and tear-soaked eyes streaming off the sides of my face uncontrollably. I carefully caressed my tummy and cried.

I actually think I cried inside and out. I felt my heart cry, my soul cry and my mind cry. That was the 1st day my faith in G-d came to reality. That day I knew there was a G-d. I went home, reached in my cabinet for a container I had of rice, pulled one piece out and laid it in the palm of my hands. I heard the sonographer's echo in my head "...a little baby...about the size of a piece of rice". I went through 3 months of nausea, three months of Chicago Style Hot dogs (minus the onions and hot peppers, thank you) and Oreo Blizzards, and three months of "get this baby outta me". At 3:14am on Tuesday, September 26 my baby began to gently knock on my pregnant belly's door asking if she could finally come out and play. When I didn't answer, she knocked harder for a while, until I swore she was taking a few steps back and running at full speed to break the door down. She wanted out, and - ohhh yeah - she was gonna get what she wanted. The rest was a time travelling experience: sat up, breathed through the labor pains until they were close enough to go to the hospital. I, for the 1st time, turned into a rock star with my own posse. Everything I wanted was done for me in a flash. My husband's mom kept the time between contractions and breathing, my husband threw the hospital bag in the SUV, placed me carefully in the car and zoomed us to my hospital that would soon greet my daughter. I was escorted out of my vehicle and into a state-of-the-art and eco-friendly vehicle (wheelchair) and had a personal chauffer take me to my "penthouse suite" (maternity unit). I was asked fror my autograph and gladly provided (lots of papers to sign), and had a number of assistants (hospital staff) who took care of every need I had. The best part was no paparrazzi. After settling in, my only approach to zen was a mantra I learned a month before: "ep-i-duuuur-al". If you say that word every 5 minutes, it will come.

Hours later at 2:00pm the nurse told me to begin breathing and pushing. I remembered to remain calm, but my head was screaming HOLY @#%*&^! I heard the nurse say "Look!" to my husband. "There's the baby's head! Wow, look at all that hair!". That was it. That was all I needed to hear. I became the strongest woman in the world with a mission and I was going to complete it - stat! It took me 38 minutes to get my child through the door to an outdoor life (I think the doctor said I broke a record for fastest time delivering a first baby without any damage to the 'door '- many thanks go to Mr. Kegel). For the 1st time I saw my baby. All she was to me for 9 months, according to the doctors and pregnancy website comparisons, was a piece of rice, a soda pop can and a squash. Finally, my little bundle of baby was placed in my arms. A real baby. A breathing, cooing, nuzzling little creation brought to me and my husband from a magical, heavenly place. There she was...my baby...resting quietly in my arms.

I thought all those mothers had me wrong about needing to wait until I was a mom to understand, but when they're right, they're right. Something does change in you. I can see now why it's hard to explain, because how do you really explain a gift from Heaven coming with all these invisible tools at no extra cost? The tools are invisible, but they are certainly there. That gut feeling telling you to go check on your child? Invisible tool. Knowing when it's 'time' to try a new schedule - invisible tool. Realizing they are getting into mischief without having to turn your head around? Invisible tool. Since the local standard of speak now-a-days is through acronyms, we can say that mothers get "i.t.". A new beaming gold thread that Heaven supplies is immediately woven into the fabric of our character, and somehow changes everything through a ripple effect within our entire system. Even moms adopting children; they are given invisible wings because, in my opinion, G-d sees them as honorary Angels, caring and loving children who's parents couldn't provide for them. They, too, receive "it" because being a mom is their calling.

Here's my theory: G-d places His hand on a mother's shoulder as soon as her baby is conceived and wraps His arms around her when her baby is placed in her arms for the 1st time. In that embrace, all tools are transferred from G-d's heart straight into the mother's heart and soul. I think it happens to all moms -- it all depends on if they pay attention to it -- and you'll recognize the difference between the ones that do and the ones that don’t. The moms that don't notice that beautiful transfer may notice later as they reflect on the past years, or maybe they'll realize more after a memorable or even undesirable moment. Even still there could be others that never recognize the gift they received...but it was always there with them.

It was a fabulous journey I took from pregnancy to motherhood. I've learned that each milestone in life has its place and time to be. We can all pretend we know when it comes to being mothers before we really are, but the moment drops of realization of pregnancy, delivery and responsibility enter our hearts...the moment we realize our instinctual need to provide a beautiful life for our child through the challenges given to us...the moment mothers receive "i.t."...I think we begin to understand why it becomes achingly difficult not to say, “You’ll understand better when you’re a mom”.

Written in honor of mothers around the world: HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!