Toddler World

Who knew that the moment your little boo-boo, sweetheart baby, turns into a toddler that all moms gain a second pair of eyes in the back of their heads? I found myself with my back to the bathroom mirror, twisting myself about to view the back of my head looking for them this morning. I SWEAR they are there. Not only have my new pair of eyes helped me keep track of my 18 month old's whereabouts, but these eyes came with a better understanding of a new World I just recently entered - Toddler World.

My daughter just entered her terrible two's early, according to her pediatrician. To my husband, she is now an advanced child and he grabs a beer to celebrate. Nice. I, on the other hand, felt a little sweaty. Terrible two's? Ya think the number 2 could ever be joined with more positive words? We all know what "Number Two" is (which is a whole different article on a different day) but now I've learned about 2 having a "terrible" in front of it. Oh holy hell, what am I in for? Tantrums? Limits being tested? Not listening? Pinching? Biting? WHAT THE ----? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? The answer is NOPE. No kidding.

I've seen it with my friends' children and have started to see it with my little nutball girl. Here's what I think happened: our children morphed one night into little toddlers and have subconsciously invited their parents to partake residency in their new land called "Toddler World". You should be able to see the signs that your toddler has landed on the shores of their new World. The house you once had before your 1st baby looks nothing like you remembered. Your feet suddenly become accustomed to a standard sharp pain as they step on random objects that belong to a puzzle, game or developmental toy. The tables that once displayed great magazines, figurines and decorative items now house diapers and sanitary wipes. The scent of your home is a combination of, cleaning agents, dirty diapers and laundry detergent. The furinture that you took time to purchase because the fabric had to be 'oh so soft and comfy' now welcomes toys, reading books, noisy thing-a-ma-bobs, a fake cell phone and a few snacks that your child placed within its cushions because it was something fun to do. Parents that are reading this are either smiling because they can relate or feel frustrated because they can relate. Am I right? If this description sounds familiar then you, my fellow new parents, have entered Toddler World.

If you are new to Toddler World, here are a few pointers that may help change your tired, possibly frustrated perspective and help keep the peace in your home while you reside within your child's new haven:

1) Someone once told me "If you can't teach them good from bad and right from wrong at 14 months, you will not be able to teach them at 14 years." Keep that golden nugget in your mind's vault. The sooner you teach the better.
2) It is healthy for them to test you. This means their mind is working and they subconsciously want to know where their boundaries are.
3) Keep telling your child "You will love me later for this" when you have to discipline
4) Stick to your guns - "NO MEANS NO"
5) Say it again. What? Say it again. What? Say it again. (Get used to repeating your requests and demands.)
6) Don't forget to breathe.
7) Don't forget to laugh.
8) Believe in the art of distraction. Play a game, sing a song, dance around.
9) Buy TiVo or a DVR and keep their favorite shows that will allow you some down time every now and again.
10) Put your 'child eyes' on and try to see their view. (It's quite fun and helps us escape from the dreaded real life)

I think I have possibly become a super mom after mastery in some of these areas. I am currently looking for my invisible cape (I put it down right next to me and can't seem to find it). Some side effects you could experience is talking to adults the way you talk to your children (at the grocery store the other day I exclaimed "OH YAAAAAY!" when I found the cereal I wanted.). Another one that I personally am going through is finding yourself acting like a fool (marching down the aisle saying "march march march..."). Regardless of the side effects, you will feel like a super hero, too, if you can get through the new rules of the World.

I still can't get over my eyes. Four of them, people. I have four! I don't know how it happened, but I think a Heavenly force from above must have placed them in my head while I slept. I can type this information to you and tell you what position my 18 month old daughter is sleeping in behind me in her play yard. That's cool, eh? I think only Mom's get the extra eyes, but maybe there are some Dads out there that can tell me otherwise.

Well, my four-eyed parents, I look forward to hearing about your adventures in Toddler World. Until then, may the force of love be with you and yours.