A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Grocery Store

Last week I took a trip to the grocery store with my little mini-me. We walked together hand in hand until we got inside and I whooshed her like a supergirl flying in the air right into her cart seat. Away we went...humming along, humming a song and looking for some organic veggies and fruits for the week. Then I heard something. I heard someone faintly call my name. I looked at my daughter with a puzzled look and slowly kept carting along, thinking I just heard things. Then I heard it again. It was a female voice that called out my name. I swung my head around and looked behind me and all around me. "WHAT??" I thought. Who is calling me? I looked around again and really paid attention. Maybe it was a friend that was hiding behind a counter. Maybe it was my husband with a fake voice just trying to freak me out. No. It can't be. He's at work. What the hell? I kept on, but now I'm seriously wondering if I'm hearing things. I looked at my daughter and just as I started to say "I swear, I think I'm hearing things" I heard it again. This voice sounded so faint, but it was calling my name the same way and accent as my Mom would. My Mom...who's been in Heaven for 3 years now. I haven't heard my name spoken in that accent for YEARS, and now I am hearing this faint female voice calling out my name in a grocery store.

"Hel-lo" I heard from the faint voice again. I swung around like a stealthy ninja, seeking out the person who was playing this sick joke. No one was around us. Then I looked at my daughter, who was repeatedly saying the word 'app-le' to herself and having eternal bliss over absolutely everything around her. I took a deep breath and then thought "M--o--m?" Nooo. Ma couldn't be calling me from H-town, could she? NAH. But really...maybe she is. What if it is my Mom? Holy cripes. If my Ma is trying to get my attention, HOLY #$%!! How do I respond? OMG I'm gonna cry. I miss her so much. My Ma has always been 'in touch' with me through her signs or through dreams, but I never thought I'd get to actually talk to her! Finally! I've been asking her to come and hang out with me and now maybe I have that moment with her! Oh my gosh, there are so many things to talk about. So many things to ask her. Where do I begin? My heart was racing. "Should I just tell her I'm here?" I wondered. I can't wait for her to tell me what she thinks of my little girl! I started to smile, and my heart raced. I started to look up and heard my name called again along with some laughter. Then the harps that I heard playing in Heaven scratched to a halt. I looked at my daughter, and she froze. Okay, get a grip. I'm totally freaked out. I heard more laughter followed with another "Hel-lo?????" I traced the voice coming from my child's diaper bag and GASPED.

My fricken husband put my cell phone on auto answer so when anyone calls me it automatically puts it in speaker mode. I reached in my bag and pulled out my cell phone. It was my girlfriend from Florida, laughing her butt off. I heard her two sons in the background laughing and saying my name over and over. I could only think of two things at that moment: 1) I'm a moron. 2) I'm going to beat the crap out of my husband.

Moral of the story - Make sure your cell phone is NEVER on automatic answer, unless you think you are Phoebe from the television show Friends.